How Can I be happy? PT3

Happiness exists in your mind rather than in materialistic possession.
Happiness does not come from a state, but from a change of state.
Happiness does not come from the prize, but in the process of attaining that prize. It’s a journey, not a destination.Our boredom is our ecstasy.If you can appreciate each passing moment as a blissful step towards your next plateau, lasting happiness is yours.
The secret lies in being able to remain content with each passing moment while keeping our eyes on the next.
If you can live comfortably within this, you live in heaven on Earth.

Oh it’s delicious, this thing called life. It’s a delicious experience, no? Are you not allowed to experience everything? The tears, the joy, the pain,the gladness, the exaltation, the massive depression, the win, the loss the draw? What more is there?

1) Visualize- See yourself getting being successful with that company or getting that girl. Feel the pure bliss that you would experience as if it were actually happening. The more you do this, the more vivid and real-feeling your sessions will get. By visualizing your desires, you are communicating them directly to your subconscious.You'll feel as if you're living the dream.

2) Watch Tyler Durden’s Speech From Fight Club(Highly recommended)-
Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club has some very truthful and eye-opening things to say about society. This might not be the perfect cure for your particular sentiment, but it will certainly jumpstart a lot of people out of their slump. Best line: “You are not your fucking khakis.”

3) Try to live in the present.
Complication in life often arises because we are worrying and planning about the future. We can become so concerned about what may happen tomorrow or next year that we forget to enjoy the present moment or rather we carry too much burden & melancholic memories from the past slowing decaying our soul. To have one’s focus on the present and now, is to encompass life as it is supposed to be.

4) Less Planning and Thinking
When we complicate life through our endless planning we bring tomorrow’s problems into today. Yet it is always worth remembering that our worries and fears about the future often prove to be futile.

5) Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!- Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.Believe in yourself through tough times. Believe in your capacity to succeed. Believe that your relationships are worth the effort. Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths. Believe that it's all worth your while and after all we have a great thing within us- HOPE and as said by Mr. Dufrensey- ''Hope is a good thing infact best of the things and no good thing ever dies ''

And remember little things do bring great differences to our lives. here is one of my answer comprising of those little things that can make you feel alive.

1) Stick your body out of a sunroof while the car is driving- Ever wondered why a dog sticks his head out of a car window, only a biker knows that. This one is a lot of fun. If you don’t have a sunroof, a window works just as well. High speed makes the experience much more invigorating.Remember Emma Watson from the ''The Perks of Being a Wallflower''

2) Blast your favorite badass song- My favorite are ''Paradise by Coldplay'' and ''Good Life by One Republic''.If the coffee mug on your table isn't shaking then you're not blasting it enough.

3) Do something outside of your comfort zone- Amazing things happens once you're out of your comfort zone. Surely you can find something in this, keep your imagination going.

4) Destroy something- Take out some frustrations on an inanimate object but not a costly one though.

5) Realize that you are ALIVE!- You have years and years of potential ahead of you. If you feel dead today, consider what stupendous things you could be doing tomorrow.

6) Go experience nature- Being outside just feels amazing, visit the most surreal & exotic places, meet people, hear them, learn their traditions, experience the varying cultures. Given a choice I would like to visit all the vineyards in the world and taste all the astonishing wines.

7) Watch the Sunset- The moment when sun starts receding but the darkness hasn't taken over yet, believe me at that moment all the magic happens and you can't deny that. So much refreshing.

8) Scare yourself- Have a feel of adrenaline. Acrophobia, go on the hilltop and check out whether it still freaks you out.

9) Exercise and Meditate
   
10) Scream at the top of your lungs- Remember Jack Dawson from Titanic screaming from the ship's railing, so scream out right now, right there and yes you're the king of the world.

11) Get to know a stranger- Truly connect with another human being. Skip the small talk and ask about their goals and ambitions.Sometimes you could be amazed by their passions, dreams and passion is infectious.

12) Run around in the rain- ''Singing in the Rain'' or ''The Sound of Music''
Some people enjoy rain others just get Wet- Bob Marley

How can I be happy? pt2

For me, happiness comes from various places.

When my brother is engaged with the new lesson I taught him, I find happiness. When my my dad safely commutes to and from work every day. When I smell my mom cooking Samgyupsal (Korean pork dish). When my friend understands why I do me, I again find happiness.

But none of these specific instances result in happiness if you yourself is struggling internally. To me, all of these examples give me happiness because I feel like I am learning to be responsible for my thoughts and actions, and consequently learn who I am.

Personally, I wasn't really happy in college since freshman year.

I struggled a lot with an identity problem. I was really, really obsessed (I still am) with finding out who I am, what I stand for, and what I was passionate about. It was just hard for me because I am naturally a flexible, gullible person.

Whenever someone disagreed on a topic with me, they could provide a few more logical arguments, and I could easily understand their side. And many times, I believed them. I did not know what was right or wrong, and I didn't think hard enough to judge for myself. I simply didn't care.

But this issue slowly digged itself deeper, and I had to start making decisions on my own and make my own judgments and opinions and stick with them. I always had a hard time with it, and I still do.

Struggling with this problem really hazed my studying and made the journey to finding my identity even more confusing. But very slowly ... I think I am making a progress. After a lot of self-reflection and TED talks and many many mistakes, I am learning to be more confident in my decisions and myself.

1) Create your passions.

I don't believe in finding your passions.

You don't all of a sudden discover a new topic and confirm that you want to pursue it throughout your entire life.

You have to ACTIVELY study and read about a subject you may be interested in and then you might end up staying engaged. You become more "passionate" about something once you learn more and ultimately find out that you can start from nothing to an intermediate and then maybe even an expert level after dedicated long hours and hard effort into a subject.

And after working hard into that subject, you might look back and say, I am truly happy with what I have achieved.

2) Be vulnerable to your trusted ones.

Show yourself. Be transparent with them when you need help.

This helps them trust in you more as well. By developing this trusted relationship, you will make deeper friendships where you might find bits of happiness.

3) Body can change your mind.

My all-time favorite TED talk, Your body language shapes who you are, speaks out the most to me.

Most people agree that mind can change the body. But how many thought about the opposite way?

If you have seen how animals pose, the dominant ones make themselves big. They take up space and their surroundings.

Amy Cuddy in the TED talk emphasizes that by making yourself big, you can make the power form. Here is an example: http://nhne-pulse.org/wp-content...

The power form can help you have the confidence to fully voice your opinions. This trick will help you in any social and personal circumstances. Trust me on this one; this can not only help you with everyday interactions or super tense interviews but also help you take charge of your thoughts and emotions as an individual. This is the ultimate way you can pave your path towards happiness.

4) Chocolate

And maybe some indulging now and then.
Life is like one delicious ice-cream. So enjoy it to the fullest before it melts away! :)

Guest Writer

Hints for being happy!

Here's how:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.  I work in psychiatry and can tell you first-hand that so many seemingly happy and successful people are burning themselves alive on the fire of their inner turmoil.  Focus on you.
  2. Socialize.  Even if you are an introvert, force yourself into social scenarios that give you the opportunity to meet people and form connections.  These connections will put you back in touch with your humanity.
  3. Make healthy decisions. It is amazing how much exercise and good diet can change your outlook on the world around you.  The negative thoughts in your head that seem so very real and pressing will melt away.
  4. Do something different. Stop wasting your time trying to find the "perfect hobby."  Pick anything - whether it's fiber art or coffee tasting.  Find something that you can put effort into, build competence, and see results.
  5. Get in touch with your anchors.  We tend to lose these anchors as we get older.  Try to better position yourself within any communities you once found a home in, whether that's your family, your neighborhood, your culture, or your religion.
  6. Look less ahead. Look less behind. Try to refocus yourself to the current moment more often. Start building memories instead of living in them.  Start creating your future instead of just hoping for a better one.  If you don't do this, your life will become a fog that can stretch across your entire time on earth.
  7. Create.  Write in a journal.  Paint something.  Make up a song even if you will never perform it.  Start to fashion the relics that you will leave behind when you are gone.
  8. Let go.  Forgive those who hurt you.  I'm sorry you were hurt.  But if you do not leave that hurt in the past, it will follow you like a wolf - forever casting a dangerous shadow over everything you do.
  9. Worry more about the others.  Many times it is our own narcissism that destroys us. It seems counter-intuitive, but take some time each day to think about the needs of the other people in your life.  Helping them meet those needs will make you happier in a way that you might not understand right now.
  10. Stop running.  There is no such place as "away." Travel as far as you want, but you will still find yourself waiting for you when you get there. Pull out your sword. It's time to turn around and fight the dragons inside you.

You are mightier than them.

How can I be happy? pt1


This increasingly important question in today's lives comes up when we cross the stage of young adulthood and enter the fast-paced and stressful world (~ age: 23-27). Many factors are out of our control and we are compelled to sit down and contemplate.
Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instruction manual. We are forced to derive a way of living based on our past experiences and those of others in a trial-and-error approach. Here is the gist of personal experiences and conversations with friends and family to provide an answer to this deep question: How can I be happy?


Keep in mind ...There is no such thing as perfect happiness. All of us have something or the other to complain about. Some more. Some less. At the same time, we have many things to be grateful for as well. However, by adopting the right approach to life we can optimize our input and output parameters in a way to get the most out of life. After all, we only have one chance at it!
Definition of happiness
This is where the problem really starts. Most of us have no clarity on what happiness means. We chase elusive sources of happiness. And thus, after achieving these sources - we are still devoid of happiness.
Elusive sources of happiness refer to BIG events, e.g. a degree from college, a promotion, buying a brand new Mercedes-Benz, marriage or winning a lottery. Yes - being wealthy never hurts - but does it really give us the necessary satisfaction?
Genuine happiness itself refers to something that yields instant gratification - e.g. travelling to a new place, playing the guitar, listening to classical music, running a marathon, catching up with an old childhood friend or something much much much more mundane - caffe crème, chips or a toblerone.

Key steps towards happiness
So let's break down the journey to happiness in three pivotal points. Go step by step and focus on mastering one thing after the other. Practice each of these guidelines on a regular basis. Soon - they will be internalized. Happiness will become a habit.
​1. Smart working
A common misconception is that the number of hours you work is proportional to the output you get. This is NOT true. Instead - shift your focus to increasing your productivity and optimizing your learning process.
  • Multitasking: Instead of taking up 10 projects at the same time -  make friends with 10 people working on those 10 disjunct projects and ask them to share their knowledge with you (and vice versa). Broaden your horizon by socializing. You are not only reducing your project-specific output by distributing your energy but you are also spoiling relationships with your peers who are expecting input from you to progress in their work.
  • Environment: More important than the work - what matters is the environment you are working in. Do you get along with your boss? Your colleagues? Does there exist stability? Are people working against each other or together? Are your results being acknowledged? Are you valued as a coworker?
  • Attitude: Don't be complacent. Be proactive. At the same time - be humble. Don't let success go to your head. You will end up losing more than you gain. Take days off. Take holidays. Regularly! Else - you might be regarded as inefficient.
  • Procrastination: Work in intervals of intense focus and intense de-focus. Be efficient when you work and equally disciplined about NOT working in your breaks. Don't work at a stretch for too long. You will be highly inefficient and enter a state of procrastination.
  • Knowledge: Focus on building up your knowledge in a structured way over a longer period of time. Mugging up new concepts and working under pressure might get work done but someday down the line you will notice deficiencies in your understanding. Trade short-term benefits for long-term productivity.
  • Meetings and Deadlines: 50% of meetings are merely a formality and bear no substance. Interact closely with your peers and give them regular updates instead of preparing verbose speeches and aesthetic presentations. Finish your project FIRST. While polishing the final results you can estimate a realistic (!) deadline. You CANNOT force progress. Stop chasing crazy deadlines. Stop rushing from one meeting to the other. Pressure drains creativity and induces errors and therefore adds up on work load.
  • Planning: Very often we do not set goals. We say to ourselves: "First I will study course ABC and then think about which company to work for. First I will work for company X and think about where to go next." We end up working in a disorganized fashion and doing a lot more work than necessary. And in hindsight, we might still not attain what we really wanted anyway. Set yourself a long-term goal. Before taking a decision ask yourself: "Is this going to contribute to my future goal? If yes, how?". Remove clutter as much as possible. Anything worthwhile takes time. Give it the time it needs. Many unpredictable factors and errors will come in which have to be taken into account. Make a plan. Or else you will end up with a suboptimal solution.

2. Exercise and sleep
Our brain operates in two major modes of thinking: (a) diffuse and (b) focused mode.
  • ​​​​​​Focused mode: Given our past experiences and knowledge we adopt a traditional approach to solving a problem in a rational and analytical manner. The brain is functioning from the prefrontal cortex, located right behind the forehead - guiding the way through a layer of neural connections formed a priori.
  • Diffuse mode: The worst thing to do once you are stuck on a problem is to keep going. Instead - divert your focus to a completely different activity, which forces your brain to relax. Take a shower. Go jogging by the river. Cook an exotic meal. Your brain will continue working on the problem by making random connections in an unstructured order - and voilà - there is the answer (epiphany)!
  • Sleep: Our brain cells shrink when we are asleep. This allows toxins (e.g. stress hormones) to get washed away. Further, new connections between neurons (referred to as synapses) are formed which increase recall and solidify the learnt concepts. It also means that our brain looks different everyday :)

3. People
Over the years I have come across a very diverse set of people from many different cultural backgrounds, priorities, professions and mindsets. Many friendships were formed. Some were lost. Others are still strong and will last forever.
In every phase of life the people I interacted with had a very profound effect on me and have shaped my thoughts, decisions and principles. More than anything else - it is the people who define the person I am today. In fact, I would go as far as saying: Life is all about people.
In my opinion - the world is split into two different types of people: (a) the focused people and (b) the aimless people. Since we are all surrounded by people it is crucial to discern well between both. Below is a summary of the characteristics of both categories and criteria to distinguish between them:
  • Personality: The focused people have strong personalities. They radiate charisma, confidence, self-assertiveness. Their counterparts have no (strong) opinion of their own and get dragged along by the crowd and mainstream principles.
  • Attitude: The focused ones have a positive outlook towards life. They are flexible and open to new perspectives and adapt easily to change. However, this does not necessarily imply that they agree with everything (strong mind, soft presentation towards the outer world). They are honest in their self-assessment. The aimless ones are conservative, stubborn and closed. They are not open to criticism. They like to complain.
  • Social skills: The focused people share stable relationships with their close friends and family members. They encourage each other and move forward together. The aimless people lack empathy, gratitude and good friends. They are rather self-centered and bad team players.
  • Language and tone: The aimless people are aggressive. At times - they don't shy away from using inappropriate language. Their counterparts are soft-spoken and sophisticated. Even in tricky situations they put in effort into remaining calm and composed.
  • Work: The aimless people dabble and play around with everything. They like to experiment. They have time management issues. The focused people on the other hand, plan ahead. They move from one milestone to the next smoothly, calmly, coolly.
  • Control: Aimless people lack control. In work. In relationships. In the gym. They defer the blame on others. The focused ones on the other hand take responsibility for their actions. If a situation is out of their control - they understand that it is time to say NO and leave. And they stand by their decision.
Some more advice ....
  • Be a people's person! People are not only a source of happiness but also knowledge.
  • The best way to make a new friend is to help. Identify the weak spot and put in genuine effort into healing the wound.
  • You are an average of the 5 people you surround yourself by. Choose wisely!
  • People move on. Everyone has their own plans. Today you meet each other everyday. Tomorrow your ways might part. Focus on enjoying every moment of each others' company rather than tying people to yourself (or vice versa).
  • Seize the day, my friend! It is not going to come again!
  • You CANNOT be best friends with everyone. There has to be a high amount of compatibility between both of you. Instead, focus on building up a relationship step-by-step. With time grows friendship.
So ... what next?We are all a weighted linear combination of the good and bad qualities mentioned above - I am sure you were able to identify yourself with some or the other. Nail down those red thorns and start changing yourself consciously in the right direction. Take a single baby step everyday. Happiness is much closer than you think!
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